I stumbled upon this...

Life is too short
Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness
Laugh when you can
Apologize when you should
And let go of what you can't change

Love deeply
And forgive quickly
Take chances
Give everything
And have no regrets

Life is too short to be unhappy
You have to take the good with the bad
Smile when you're sad
Love what you've got
And always remember what you had

Always forgive
But never forget
Learn from your mistakes
But never regret

People change
And things go wrong
But always remember
Life goes on

I'm alone on the journey, I'm alive none the less...

I wish that someone could draw me a map. To show the end of this part of my life is, and the beginning of the next. I feel so out of it. So incomplete. So lost. I just want to feel better so badly. Nothing feels quite real. It's like grasping at the wind. I can feel it, I can see the effects it is having, but I can never hold on to it. I am so angry with myself. I want to be stronger. I want to move on, but I am stuck.

I am trapped and I cannot breath.

It's like my soul has been damaged. Maybe it has. I have never had such fluctuating emotions. Honestly, some days I feel as if it is possible to move on. That this will be a learning experience, and even though I have been hurt and will carry the scars of this wound for the rest of my life, I will carry on. Other days the outlook is not quite so optimistic. I feel like no one understands. I have been betrayed by the only man I have ever loved. How do you move on from that? How do you ever trust anyone ever again? Are these not legitimate questions? I think I may be in a particularly somber mood because I just watched Wuthering Heights, and the day as a whole was fairly lonely.

Hopefully tomorrow this darkness will open up to some lighter days. I wish I was able to write more during those days, but for some reason the times that I am drawn to write down my feelings the most are when I am upset and feeling out of hope.

Please bear with my sadness, I know it cannot last forever. It's a strange thing to know that this kind of pain fades with time, but to feel as if it never will. It's like my brain and my heart are contradicting one another. I keep writing, yet I don't seem to have the words to express myself properly. So I suppose I will stop for now.