I don't know what to say...

I've been telling myself I need to blog. That it is healthy and it will help me feel better. However, every time I sit down and pull up this box the emptiness frightens me. I end up looking at it for a while and decide that my words aren't enough to fill it.

Today I found something that inspired me and made me feel at least a little better. Beautiful words with beautiful pictures to accompany them.

It makes me feel like I am not alone in all of this craziness and sorrow. That other people are feeling and hurting the same way I am. Maybe that's okay. Maybe, this will only make me stronger. Maybe, I will make it out of this alive.









On a less depressing side note. I am in love with this beautiful Juicy Couture bow ring. My birthday is soon. It would be the most lovely post break up/promise you will be better ring.

This is my life...

Blah... is generally my mood right now. It's a little hard to look at the big picture of my life when I am so intently staring at this terrible little bit.

I imagine that with time things will get easier... at least that is what everyone tells me.

Right now I am just trying to keep myself crazy busy. Crafting, homework, spending time with friends, heading to Seattle this weekend, everything I can do to keep myself from being home to much. The nights are hard.

Last night I was so very proud of myself. I made a laptop sleeve, myself (kinda) and it turned out cute and functional. I also dyed my hair, which I have been wanting to do for weeks now.

I went and saw The Lovely Bones this week, sadly it was disappointing. I guess I thought it was going to be more, and that it left the parts that I found the most interesting from the book out of the movie. Peter Jackson seems to have missed it a little bit with this one, but I suppose I can forgive him since he gave me Lord of the Rings. Hahaha.

I have some plans to make a piece of word art. I have seen these floating around the internet and I think they are so inspiring. I want to put a quote from the song I have on repeat pretty much all of the time. Something to remind me in the morning that everything will be okay, and that life won't always be this hard.

One a different note, I would like to say that I possibly have the best friend in the world. Ashley has been there for me from the first day all of this bad business started. She has reassured me and held me up in times where I felt like there was no place to go but down. She has kept me company when I didn't know how to be alone. She made me a part of her family and showed me that love is not something you have to beg for. I don't know how I would have made it through any of this without her support.

Kind of a random and jumbled post but that is basically how I think right now, random and jumbled.

Frodoette!

I saw that Danielle of Sometimes Sweet posted her high school celebrity crush and I thought I would do the same.

When I started to think about who my crush was I couldn't remember. Then like a light bulb going off in my head it came to me. How could I ever forget my amazing love for Elijah Wood. I had the ultimate girly crush on him. It was definitely all due to Lord of the Rings and the illogical obsession that I had for the movies, books, and everything else that was in the least bit associated with Tolkien.






I still have this obsession with Lord of the Rings. I own 3 versions of each movie (theatrical, extended, and a combination) I have also started a collection of Lord of the Rings books. None of mine are of any true value but they mean a lot to me and every time I see one at a used book store or thrift shop I can't help but pick it up. I really hope that one day I am fortunate enough to own a first edition of the books. This is a insane dream, but I think that sometimes that's okay.

My current crush would have to be... Callum Blue. I am a sucker for a good English accent. I could just melt.

Memories like bullets, they fired at me from a gun...

My life has made a dramatic change...

I have been spending the last few days moving around my apartment and cleaning stuff out. I can honestly say it is the weirdest thing in the world to be putting all of his stuff in a bedroom so I don't have to see it anymore. It's like something will sneak up on me and I will have a sudden break down. So to handle everything better I thought I should just put it somewhere I don't have to look at it until it is gone.

In honor of the tragically bad mood I have been in I will leave you with some amazing images I have found around the internet featuring the word 'fuck'.

Sometimes...

There are times when I think that the only reason I read other people blogs is because I see their happy lives and wish I could place myself in them. Maybe if I had a happy blog about how in love I am and how great my life is, than my love-life would not be in critical condition and my life would be better. This however is quite ridiculous.

I am sad today. This is my truth. I am scared to go home where everything will turn back. I prefer the facade, it is easier. While the truth is hard, it is indeed what is true. I must accept it and decided what to do about it. Pretending the problem isn't as big as it is will not help.

I am sad today, hopefully tomorrow I will feel just a bit better.

Waiting...

Today is my dad's birthday. For some reason is I'm just in a blah mood. I am waiting for Dan to get ready, then we are going to go Avatar. I really hope I am in a better mood by the time of his surprise party. Here are some pretties I found while waiting ...

Love.

The Lone Star State.

This year for Christmas, Dan and I headed south to Texas. My family moved here shortly after I left for college and I haven't had a chance to come down and see their new home. They live right outside of Dallas so there is quite a bit to see and do down here.

This was the approach over Denver. The snow is so pretty when you don't have to deal with it and you can just look at it.
Although I almost never drink Ginger Ale at home, it is the only thing I get when flying. I guess it's a sort of tradition. It calms my nerves... now that I am of age I could get something a little stronger, but I think I will stay with my Ginger Ale.
Before we left we had done absolutely no christmas shopping. I figured since we were going to be in Dallas there would be a lot more to offer than little Moscow Idaho. The problem is I did a lot of looking for myself and had a hard time concentrating on what I should get everyone else. I did find these amazing shoes. I couldn't get them (to expensive) but I am still in love with them. I wish I could go back and get them.

I also found these hilarious cat bookends. I could only think of one person when I saw them... the lovely Ashley Reynolds.
Dan finally found an Irish driving hat that has taken him years to find. Of all places we got it at Target. I think he looks quite handsome in all of is Irishness.
On Christmas eve my nephew Landon and I made cookies for Santa. We got to do this last year on Christmas eve and it was nice to be able to continue our little tradition together. He had a ton of fun being able to mix the ingredients, cutting out the cookies, and putting flour all over my face.
Once they were done we decorated them and picked out a few to leave for Santa. The icing kind of ran together so our designs didn't turn out that well... but I don't think anybody cared.
Landon was super excited for Christmas and was actually happy to get into bed because he knew in the morning Christmas presents would be there.


This shirt reads "God save the boobies" Dan really wanted it, so here it is.

Christmas was really nice. I got these beautiful mittens from my sister and the cute plaid hat from Dan.
Later that week we went bowling. After bowling Dan and my dad played a couple of games of pool.

We also went to a few amazing record stores. This one here had absolutely no organization and when I asked the guy how to find things he said it was a combination of luck and patience. We ended up not finding much at this store but went to another one called Forever Young and found quite a few very good albums.
Dan pointed out that every vacation that we go on we end up going to Ikea and this trip was no different. It was a little bitter sweet since we knew we couldn't get anything (since we couldn't exactly bring it back on the plane with us) but it was still cool to see all of the stuff that Ikea has to offer.
On our way home we saw this mass of birds. I mean there must of been a 100,000 thousand birds all moving together. I was really freaked out, but everyone else wanted to get out of the car to get a better look at them.

Other than the big things I have been loving my sisters Kindle. It is the coolest piece of technology and I really want to get one.
This is also the find of our trip. I was looking for wallets every where and when we went to Urban Outfitter I was disappointed I couldn't find one there either. Then Dan comes up to me and says do you like this one. It is so pretty and I am so happy that he found it because I was ready to give up.

Well we only have a few days left, but they look to be eventful. My dad's 50th birthday, Six Flags, and this neat exhibit of human bodies. Hopefully it will be a lot of fun.

Love.